i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
