You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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