Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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