I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
