What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
