Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
