oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
