What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
