I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
