is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
