I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
