As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
