ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
