so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
