Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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