I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
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