Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
