the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
