new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
