My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
