i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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