I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
