Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
