Where is the hickey?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Why is there bacon in the couch?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
