I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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