Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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