i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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