I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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