i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The ass gains better be worth it
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