shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
