Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
