but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
