i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
