Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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