all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
