i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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