I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
