I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
