ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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