I could make wine with my vomit
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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