You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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