Fuck appropriateness.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
