That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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