today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
