Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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