I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
