Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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