Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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