If i come over, it means nothing
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
