Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
