The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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