last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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