I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
