Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
